Why Serving Others Is Part of Following Jesus

Opening Story

We stood in the driveway longer than we needed to, both of us pretending to check things we had already checked. He kept dragging his foot across the gravel, drawing invisible lines, while I stared at a pile of warped lumber leaning against a fence in the distance. Neither of us said it out loud, but we were both thinking the same thing: this felt like a mistake. We didn’t have the right tools, we didn’t know what we were doing, and the job in front of us looked like something other people—more capable people—should handle. Finally, he broke the silence and asked, “What if we mess it up?” I paused, took a breath, and told him the only honest thing I could say. “We probably will at some point. But we’re still going to show up.” In that moment, I realized that service is rarely about readiness and almost always about willingness.

The Core Problem

I have watched this pattern play out over and over again in mentoring. We want to help young people grow, build character, and understand their purpose, but we often overlook one of the most transformative pathways available to them. We default to conversations, advice, or correction, hoping that if we say the right things, something inside them will shift. Meanwhile, they are being shaped by a culture that constantly tells them to prioritize themselves—what they feel, what they want, what makes them comfortable. That message is loud, persistent, and deeply forming.

What I have come to see is that many mentors unintentionally reinforce this without meaning to. We center our time around the mentee’s preferences, their entertainment, their immediate needs, and their comfort. While there is a place for care and attentiveness, it can quietly create a dynamic where the relationship revolves around them rather than inviting them into something larger. When mentoring becomes primarily about serving the mentee, instead of teaching the mentee to serve, we miss a critical opportunity for transformation.

The result is subtle but significant. We end up with young people who may feel supported, but not necessarily formed. They may feel valued, but not stretched. They may receive care, but not learn how to give it. And without realizing it, we leave a gap in their development that no amount of conversation can fill.

The Core Principle

The shift that changed my approach was simple but not easy to implement. Serving others is not an add-on to mentoring. It is central to it. When I invite a mentee to serve, I am not distracting from their growth—I am directly contributing to it.

This is where the words of Bible in Gospel of Matthew have continued to anchor me: “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” That statement cuts against almost every instinct we have. It redefines what growth looks like. It challenges the idea that maturity is about gaining control, recognition, or independence, and instead places humility and service at the center.

When I bring a mentee into a moment of service, I am helping them practice that truth in real time. They begin to experience what it feels like to step outside themselves. They start to notice needs they would have otherwise ignored. They learn that they are capable of contributing, even when they feel unprepared. And slowly, something shifts in how they see themselves and the world around them.

Expanded Insight

The day we stood in that driveway eventually turned into something much different than either of us expected. We walked up to the house, knocked on the door, and were greeted by an elderly couple who looked both relieved and slightly unsure of what they had just signed up for. The project was simple in theory: finish building a small shed that had been sitting half-complete for months after a stroke and a series of medical setbacks had halted progress.

What unfolded over the next several weeks was not efficient or impressive by any traditional standard. We mismeasured boards. We had to redo sections. There were long pauses where we just sat and talked because we didn’t know what to do next. At one point, we spent nearly an hour trying to figure out how to square a frame that refused to cooperate. It was slow, awkward, and at times frustrating.

But something else was happening beneath the surface. The couple began to open up about their story—the challenges they had faced, the isolation they felt, the uncertainty that had settled into their daily lives. My mentee listened in a way I had not seen before. He asked questions. He noticed things. He started anticipating needs, grabbing tools before I asked, offering to carry things without being told.

There was a moment about halfway through the project that stuck with me. We had just finished a particularly difficult section, and the husband looked at my mentee and said, “I didn’t think anyone would come back after the first day.” It was a simple statement, but it landed heavily. On the drive home, my mentee was quieter than usual. After a while, he said, “I didn’t know it mattered that much.”

That is what service does. It reveals impact in a way that words alone cannot.

I have seen this pattern repeat itself in different contexts. When a mentee helps serve a meal at a shelter, something shifts when they look into the eyes of someone receiving it. When they help clean up a park, they begin to take ownership of spaces they used to ignore. When they assist a neighbor with a simple task, they start to see themselves as someone who can contribute, not just consume.

Serving also exposes the limits of comfort in a way that is healthy. Many young people operate within a narrow band of experience. Their world is defined by what they know, what they like, and what they feel confident doing. Service expands that world. It introduces them to different stories, different needs, and different realities. It stretches them, not in a way that overwhelms, but in a way that awakens something deeper.

Another layer I have come to appreciate is how much service is learned through observation. Mentees are constantly watching. They are paying attention to how I respond to inconvenience, how I treat people who cannot offer anything in return, and whether I am willing to be interrupted for the sake of someone else. What I model consistently will shape them more than anything I say occasionally.

There have been times when I have missed this. I have rushed past opportunities because I was focused on my schedule. I have chosen efficiency over presence. And in those moments, I have not just missed a chance to serve—I have missed a chance to show my mentee what it looks like to live differently.

Here are some practical ways to apply this principal:

1. Stop overcomplicating service.
   One of the most helpful shifts I made was to stop overcomplicating service. Instead of looking for big, organized opportunities, I started paying attention to what was already around me. There was a neighbor who needed help with yard work, a family at church going through a difficult season, and small, ordinary needs that I would have previously overlooked. I began inviting my mentee into those moments, not as a project, but as a shared experience. Over time, this made service feel normal rather than exceptional.

2. Create intentional exposure without forcing it.
   I also learned to create intentional exposure without forcing it. There were times when I would plan a specific outing: serving a meal, volunteering with a local organization, or helping with a community project. I framed it simply and honestly, explaining what we were doing and why. I didn’t try to oversell it or make it sound more exciting than it was. What mattered was showing up and allowing the experience itself to do the work.

3. Narrate the why in a way that connects to something deeper.
   Another practice that became important was narrating the why in a way that connected to something deeper. After serving, I would take time to process with my mentee. I would ask what they noticed, what surprised them, and how it felt to be part of something that wasn’t about them. Then I would connect it back to what I believe about following Jesus, not as a rule to follow, but as a way of living that brings life. These conversations helped move service from an activity to a meaningful part of their understanding of faith.

4. Invite your mentee to take initiative in small ways.
   I also started inviting my mentee to take initiative in small ways. Instead of always leading, I would ask questions like, “Who do you think we could help this week?” or “What’s something you’ve noticed that needs attention?” At first, the answers were hesitant or unclear. But over time, they became more thoughtful and proactive. This shift helped him move from participating in service to owning it in a personal way.

5. Examine your own habits more closely.
   Finally, I had to examine my own habits more closely. There were small, daily opportunities to model a posture of service: holding doors, picking up trash, speaking kindly, slowing down when it would have been easier to rush. I realized that these moments mattered more than I had given them credit for. They were shaping an environment where service was not an event, but a way of life.

Conclusion

What began as an uncomfortable decision in a driveway turned into one of the most formative experiences I have had as a mentor. The shed we built eventually stood finished, but that was never the most important outcome. What mattered was what took shape in the process—a growing awareness, a shift in perspective, and a deeper understanding of what it means to live for something beyond yourself. Service has a way of quietly reshaping the heart, not through force or instruction, but through experience and participation. When I invite a mentee into that, I am not just giving them something to do. I am giving them a glimpse of a different way to live, one that is rooted in humility, purpose, and a faith that moves beyond words into action.

Discussion Questions

1. Where in my current rhythms am I unintentionally centering my mentee on themselves instead of inviting them into something beyond themselves?

2. What is one specific, ordinary opportunity this week where I could bring my mentee into an experience of serving someone else?