How Mentors Raise Up the Next Generation of Leaders
“Why would you give this to me?” Silas asked, and then he pushed the folder back across the table like it might burn him. We were in the church lobby after everyone else had left, with a few papers spread between us and a simple plan for the next gathering sitting in front of him.
Silas had been showing up early, staying late, asking better questions, and slowly becoming the guy other students looked to when something needed to get done. I told him I wanted him to lead the welcome next week and help organize the younger guys into teams, and I thought he would be excited.
He was not excited. He leaned back, folded his arms, and looked at me with a mix of suspicion and fear.
“You could do it better,” he said. He was right, at least for now.
I could do it faster. I could explain the game more clearly, keep the room moving, and avoid most of the awkward gaps that happen when a teenager forgets what he is supposed to say.
But ease is not the same as effectiveness. A clean moment led by me might keep the night smooth, while an imperfect moment led by Silas might form something in him that would last much longer.
So I slid the folder back toward him and said, “I am giving it to you because one day you will not need me to do it for you. My job is to help you get there.” Silas stared at the folder again, and this time he did not push it away.
Being Needed Can Feel Good
One of the quiet dangers in mentoring is how good it can feel to be needed. A young person asks for advice, waits for direction, or depends on me to make the decision, and something in me feels useful.
But if I am not careful, I can start building the relationship around my importance instead of their growth. I can measure success by how much they rely on me rather than how much they are becoming ready to carry responsibility.
Before long, I have become the center of too many decisions. The young person may trust me, but they may not be growing beyond me.
Control Can Wear a Compassionate Face
Most mentors do not control because they are selfish. Many control because they care deeply about the outcome.
We want the event to go well, the conversation to be healthy, the younger kids to feel welcome, and the mentee to avoid embarrassment. Those are good desires, but good desires can still produce unhealthy patterns.
If I protect a young person from every mistake, I may also protect them from growth. Silas had rarely been given real responsibility, because adults had mostly told him what to do, corrected him when he missed it, and stepped over him when the moment mattered.
So when I handed him the plan, it felt strange. Responsibility can feel like a threat to someone who has mostly experienced control.
Mentoring Gives Away Responsibility
At its core, mentoring is about giving away what we have been entrusted with. Wisdom, opportunity, responsibility, confidence, voice, and influence are meant to move through us into the young people we serve.
That is hard because handing something off usually makes the moment messier. It takes longer to explain than to do, and it requires follow-up, patience, and a willingness to let the first attempt be uneven.
But mentoring is preparation, not performance. The goal is not for me to remain impressive, it is for the young person to become more capable, faithful, and ready for what God may place in front of them.
If I hold every important role because I can do it best, I become a lid. If I give responsibility with support, I become a bridge.
Start With a Picture of the Future
Before I hand off responsibility, I need a clear picture of where we are going. I am not giving Silas random tasks to keep him busy.
I am helping him become a young man who can lead with steadiness, serve others without needing applause, communicate clearly, and recover when things do not go perfectly. That picture shapes the opportunities I give him.
Leading the welcome was not really about the welcome. Organizing teams was not really about teams.
Those were practice fields. They gave Silas a chance to carry something real in a space where he could receive coaching and try again.
Mentors need to ask, “What kind of person is this young person becoming, and what responsibility would help them practice that now?”
Hand It Off in Pieces
One mistake I have made is waiting too long, then handing over too much. That can overwhelm a young person and confirm their fear that they are not ready.
For Silas, the first piece was simple: welcome everyone and explain the first activity. I did not ask him to plan the entire night, manage every student, and handle every problem.
We practiced the first sentence together. We wrote down the order and talked through what he could do if he forgot.
Stay Close Without Taking It Back
The next week, Silas stood in front of the group holding the paper with both hands. He started strong, then lost his place.
A few kids shifted around. One laughed under his breath, and Silas looked at me with eyes that said, “This is where you take over.”
I could have stepped forward, made a joke, and taken control. It would have lowered the tension for me, and the room probably would have moved faster.
Instead, I pointed to the next line on his paper and nodded. He looked down, found his place, and kept going.
That was the moment he needed. If I had taken over, he would have learned that mistakes mean adults reclaim responsibility.
Because I stayed close without taking it back, he learned that mistakes can be recovered from. That lesson mattered more than a perfect welcome.
Mistakes Are Part of the Transfer
Handing off responsibility means mistakes will happen. Details will be missed, words will come out awkwardly, and the plan may move slower.
Mentors have to decide ahead of time that some imperfection is part of the process. If every mistake surprises me, I will become tense, and the young person will feel it.
The question is not, “How do I avoid every mistake?” The better question is, “How do I help this young person learn from the mistake without being defined by it?”
After Silas finished, we stepped into the hallway and talked for two minutes. I asked, “What went well?” and he said, “I kept going.”
That was exactly right. Then I asked, “What do you want to do differently next time?” He said, “I need the paper bigger, and I should not start until everybody is quiet.”
He was learning to evaluate, adjust, and own the role.
Celebrate Ownership Before Outcome
Adults often celebrate clean outcomes because they are easy to see. The room ran well, the plan worked, the speech was smooth, and the task got done.
In mentoring, I need to celebrate ownership too. Did the young person step up, try something new, recover after stumbling, or take initiative?
Silas did not lead perfectly, but he carried responsibility. He stood in front of peers, pushed through embarrassment, and finished what he started.
So I told him, “You showed courage by staying with it. That is leadership.” Specific affirmation helps a young person see what growth looks like.
Dependency Feels Safe Until It Shrinks People
Dependency can feel safe for a season. The mentor leads, the mentee follows, and the relationship feels clear.
But over time, dependency shrinks the young person. They may become comfortable waiting for direction instead of learning to discern, decide, and act.
Kids from hard places often need support, but they also need chances to build capacity. They need adults who believe they can carry more than they think.
That belief must be expressed through action. I can tell Silas he is a leader, but giving him responsibility makes the words real.
Give Away Influence With Wisdom
Giving away responsibility does not mean giving away everything. Wisdom still matters, and maturity, safety, timing, and support all matter.
There are responsibilities a young person is ready for now, responsibilities they can grow toward, and responsibilities they should not carry yet. A mentor needs discernment because the goal is stretch, not harm.
For Silas, a welcome and team setup made sense. Handling a conflict between students by himself would not have been wise yet.
Practices for Developing Ownership
Picture the future
Ask what kind of person the young person is becoming. Choose responsibilities that help them practice that future in small ways now.
Give one piece at a time
Break responsibility into manageable parts. A young person builds confidence through repeated steps, not sudden overload.
Prepare the first minute
Help them know how to begin. The first sentence, first action, or first decision often carries the most fear.
Coach with questions
Afterward, ask what worked and what they would change. Reflection helps ownership become wisdom.
Praise responsibility
Name courage, initiative, recovery, preparation, and follow-through. Celebrate the growth underneath the outcome.
Silas Came With His Own Plan
Three weeks later, Silas showed up with a folded sheet of paper in his pocket. He pulled it out before I asked.
“I wrote down how we could do teams tonight,” he said. “Last time took too long.”
I looked at the page and tried not to smile too big. He had divided the group, planned the order, and added a note that said, “Explain rules before handing out balls.”
That was ownership. He was no longer waiting for me to give him every step.
He still needed coaching. His plan had holes, and we talked through them together.
But the shift was real. A young man who once asked why I would trust him was now bringing a plan to the table.
Legacy Means Letting Others Carry It
Mentoring changes when I stop trying to be indispensable. My impact is not measured by how much I do for a young person, but by how well I help them grow into what God is calling them to carry.
That requires me to let go of control. It requires me to accept slower processes, imperfect attempts, and the discomfort of watching someone learn in real time.
It also requires faith. God is at work in the young person beyond my ability to manage, polish, or protect every outcome.
One day, Silas will lead without me standing nearby. That is the point.
The best mentors do not create permanent dependence. They build confidence, wisdom, character, and capacity.
They hand over the folder. They practice the first sentence. They stand nearby when the young person stumbles.
Then, little by little, they watch the young person carry what once felt impossible.
Discussion Questions
Where are you holding responsibility because doing it yourself feels easier or cleaner?
What small piece of ownership could you give your mentee this week with support around it?
How can you celebrate courage, initiative, or recovery rather than only celebrating a clean outcome?
